


The Rules of a Relationship

by katayla



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-11
Updated: 2009-09-11
Packaged: 2017-10-05 03:27:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katayla/pseuds/katayla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barney and Robin share their relationship rules with the gang.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rules of a Relationship

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://nowgold.livejournal.com/profile)[**nowgold**](http://nowgold.livejournal.com/) for the [](http://community.livejournal.com/whedonland/profile)[**whedonland**](http://community.livejournal.com/whedonland/) Fic-Fest.

_Kids, I knew your Uncle Barney and Aunt Robin weren't going to be a traditional couple, but I didn't realize just how determined they were to avoid that label._

"Okay!" Barney said, dropping a piece of paper on the MacClaren's table. "Robin and I have an announcement."

"You're getting married!" Lily squealed.

"Ew!" Barney and Robin said in unison.

Ted picked up the paper. "Barney and Robin's Relationship Rules?"

"We expect all of you to hold us to these," Barney said. "There may be prizes involved if you catch us breaking a rule."

"Rule 1: Don't call it a relationship. Rule 2: No nicknames,'" Ted put down the piece of paper. "You call Robin 'Scherbatcky' all the time."

"That's not a nickname," Robin said.

"Uh, yeah it is," Marshall said. "A nickname is anything other than your first name."

"No, a nickname is lame stuff like 'Lilypad' and 'Marshmallow.'"

"Hey!"

"Okay," Ted said. "Raise your hand if you think 'Scherbatsky' is a nickname."

Everyone but Robin and Barney raised their hands.

"Ha!" Marshall said. "You lose!"

Barney grabbed the paper from from Ted, and took a pen out of his pocket. "Rule 2A: Barney is allowed to call Robin 'Scherbatsky.'"

"What else do you have on there?" Lily asked, and Barney handed her the paper. "Oh, there's no _way_ you're following rule 3. No buying each other presents?"

"Yeah, I'm re-thinking that one," Robin said. "You're rich. Spoil me."

"Fine," Barney said, "but no Valentine's Day gifts."

"Let's just agree to ignore Valentine's Day altogether," Robin said.

"Deal."

"You guys!" Marshall looked as if his heart was breaking. "Valentine's Day is the best day of the year!"

"I don't know," Ted said. "It's kind of commercial."

"You only think that because you're single," Lily said. "If you had a girlfriend, you be _way_ worse than me and Marshall."

"Ooh, let's make that a rule!" Barney said. "Ted's not allowed to celebrate Valentine's Day!"

"You can't make rules for me!"

Marshall was looking over Lily's shoulder. "No brunch?" he said. "But Lily and I need someone to go with!"

"Me," Ted said. "You can go with me."

"A _couple_ to go with," Lily said.

Ted sighed. "And I'm being left out already. Please don't forget about me as you double-date your way into old age."

"Ted, we'll deal with your insecurities tomorrow," Marshall said. "Tonight is about Barney and Robin's issues."

"Also," Barney said. "Read rule number six."

"No double dates?" Lily screeched. "Now that's just mean!"

"Come on," Robin said. "You guys can't actually like those. They're super-awkward, uncomfortable, and last way too long."

"You haven't been on a double date with us," Marshall said. "Our double dates are _awesome_!" He and Lily high-fived.

"Fine, whatever," Barney said. "Rule 6A: Except with Lily and Marshall."

"See?" Ted said. "I bet you don't even see me sitting here, do you? Don't mind me as I go home to my empty apartment all alone."

"Don't worry," Robin said. "You're in the rules!"

"I am?" Ted took the sheet of rules from Lily. "Aw. Rule 8: Robin is not allowed to interfere with Bros' Night Out. That's so sweet, you guys!"

"Hey!" Lily said. "What about--"

"Rule 9: Barney is not allowed to interfere with Girls' Night Out."

"Thank you," Lily said.

"You know all of these are ridiculous, right?" Marshall said. "You can't make up rules for a relationship."

"Uh, rule number one, please!" Barney said.

"It's a relationship!" Ted said. "You're not sleeping with anyone else and Robin spends almost every night at your place. What more do you think a relationship is?"

Barney and Robin exchanged a guilty glance.

"Come on, you guys," Ted said. "Don't pretend this is less than it is because you're scared."

"Please," Barney said. "Like anything scares me."

"No one's saying you have to turn into Lily and Marshall," Ted said. "But I'm pretty sure the world won't come to an end if you," he looked down at the paper, "spend all day in bed together."

"Actually, that sounds pretty fun," Robin said. "Let's cross that off."

"Yeah," Barney said, grabbing the rules from Ted. "I don't know what we were thinking."

"You love each other," Lily said. "You don't need rules for that."

"Rule number 14, please!" Barney squawked.

"You can say the word 'love'!" Lily said. "I've _heard_ you say it. About Robin!"

"I deny everything!"

"Look," Robin said. "I know you guys are all way better at this relationship thing than either of us, but your way doesn't work for us, okay?"

"I'm just going to say one more thing and then I'll shut up," Ted said. "As someone who's been looking for a girlfriend for the last century or so? Don't screw this up."

"Please," Barney said. "How could we possibly screw up? That's what the rules are for!"

"Word," Robin said, but she mouthed 'Thanks' to Ted, and the conversation moved on.

_Of course, later on, Barney and Robin figured out how to be a couple without changing who they were. Eventually, they broke most of the rules on their list. And, pretty soon, I was making and breaking relationship rules with my own girlfriend._


End file.
